I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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