Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
