I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
