Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
