Don't you send me to vm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
