your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
