ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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