I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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