Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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