**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
