I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
