my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
