dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
