My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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