sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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