I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just invented taco cereal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
