I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
