you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i've created a new STD.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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