Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
