just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Alive.
So much puke
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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