ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
