I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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