we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
