so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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