We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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