I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
