The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When did we convert life to cartoon?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
