So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
