and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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