Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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