And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
