So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
