You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
