mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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