even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
