ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
