it wasn't lemon gatorade
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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