I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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