I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
