im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
