I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
