Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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