Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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