he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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