i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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