if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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