really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
