you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
