her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
