@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
