:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
